


Highway to the Friendzone

by thekumquat



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse)
Genre: cable is a dick and that's Great, en medias res because i'm not coming up with a whole plot just for goofy banter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 09:45:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14892272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekumquat/pseuds/thekumquat
Summary: "Colossus, I haven't always been the best friend to you, but you have been to me."Weasel takes offense to this. There's only room for one best friend in Wade's life, and it's him....right?





	Highway to the Friendzone

 

“We’re here!” Dopinder announced cheerfully, though rather unnecessarily, as the cab pulled up in front of Sister Margaret’s. “Right on time!”

“Wade said he would be waiting outside,” Colossus said.

“He isn’t,” Cable said. “You can tell because of all the peace and quiet.”

“Why do we always have to take this stupid cab?” Russell complained. “Don’t you have a jet?”

“Jet is being used for other mission,” Colossus explained apologetically, and tried to scoot a little farther over to make room for the boy. Russell, as the smallest person in the group, was relegated to the middle seat between Cable and Colossus. It was a tight fit.

“Domino got to take a bike. Why can’t I take a bike?”

“You’re not old enough to drive a motorcycle,” Cable said, his ‘dad voice’ creeping in despite his best efforts.

“I’m gonna get claustrophobia,” Russell announced.

“We will figure out better way next time,” Colossus said.

The door to Sister Margaret’s burst open. Wade emerged, ammo bag strapped to his back, as expected. Weasel followed him, as not expected.

“Weasel, I really do not have time for this right now!” Wade was saying.

“How am I not your best friend? I’ve known you _way_ longer than Colossus has!”

“It’s not about time, Weasel! It’s about _connection_.”

“Okay, then where does that leave Vanessa?”

Wade turned around so fast Weasel almost ran into the aggressively pointing finger.

“Do _not_ bring Vanessa into this. That’s _different,_  okay? _She’s_ different. _"_  

Weasel held up his hands hurriedly.

“Right, okay, sorry.” Before Wade could turn back around Weasel said “wait, wait!”

Wade threw back his head and groaned. “Oh my god, Weas, we’re on a time crunch!”

“I’m suffocating in here!” Russell yelled.

“Suck it up, Russell!” Wade yelled back.

“Alright, I’m not your best friend, but I’m your second-best friend, right?” Weasel asked.

There was a very, very awkward pause. 

“Please don’t make me do this in front of everyone,” Wade said softly.

“I’m not even—so who _is_?”

“If you two are done reliving the third grade, I’d like to _go_ now,” Cable said. Weasel pointed accusingly.

“Is it him? Is _Cable_ your second-best friend?”

“Jesus Christ,” Cable muttered.

“We can talk about it when I get back!”

“You can’t be best friends with Cable, he _tortured_ me!”

“ _Second_ -best friends, and he didn’t torture you! You blabbed absolutely everything the minute you got scared. Which is also not very second-best-friend type behavior, by the by.”

“He was _going_ to torture me!”

“No I wasn’t.”

Everyone turned and stared at him. Cable rarely smiled, because he was grim and dark and brooding, but he would occasionally get a wicked tilt to his lips when he found something just that fucking funny. He had it now.   

“What?” Weasel and Wade spoke in unison.

“I knew you’d puss out. That speech I gave you about peacetime making people weak, and the list of things I was going to do to you? I stole it from a movie.”

“You’re kidding,” Weasel said flatly. "You're not kidding. You are. No you're not." 

“I’m really glad you jumped in when you did. That character only got halfway through number three before the scene ended.”

Wade pointed at him.

“And that’s why he’s my second-best friend.”

“If it makes you feel better, it isn’t mutual,” Cable said. Russell leaned forward to see around him.

“Hey, where am I on the list?”

“We have more of a mentor-mentee, replacement parental figure relationship.”

Russell thought about this for a moment, and finding it acceptable, shrugged and settled back.

“Wade, we are already late. We need to leave _now_ ,” Colossus said.

“Right! Coming, coming.” Wade climbed into the front seat of the cab and slammed the door shut, but Weasel put his hands on the open window.

“At least tell me I rate higher than Dopinder.”

Without looking Wade reached back and patted the cab driver’s hand before he could get upset.

“Weasel, if you wanted to rank higher on the best friend list, you shouldn’t have bet on me in the dead pool.”

“That was two years ago!”

“And a real best friend would have known that I hold onto grudges like old ladies hold onto plastic bags.” He put his hand on Weasel’s face and shoved him back.

“I’m his Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker!” Dopinder shouted and slammed his foot on the gas.

 


End file.
